Who Rides The Toy Horses

In 1985, my husband and I divorced. He had a long-time problem with alcohol, and I was at the end of my coping skills. We had four wonderful children who I was devoted to every day of my life. My intent was for them all to be with me.

As with so many good intentions, mine were short lived. I had been a great mom. I did Cub Scouts, Girl Scouts, Theater with my kids, gave super birthday parties and did not work outside the home. I organized Food drives yet didn't have a Driver's License. I walked or road my bicycle everywhere. I was in great shape, all except for the emotional!

I covered up the fact that their Dad drank to excess. I never made a big scene, just was a dutiful wife protecting my kids. As far as anyone knew, we were the perfect family! So how is it that he got 3 out of the 4 kids! I trusted him and he took advantage of my good nature to do some legal footwork with a psychologist that worked in the same school system. All of a sudden, I became the bad guy!

He even was so generous as to write the divorce papers and show me the rough draft...too bad that was not the paperwork I would actually sign! My oldest son was very observant and refused to go with his dad. Thank the Lord for small miracles! He and his dad did not get along, so he came with me.

It was that summer, I rode the toy horses in the Park, long after the children had left with the dark! I felt very much the victim and had no resources to fight for my kids. I resolved to get stronger, believe in myself and pray for guidance.

I went back with him three years later. He had not changed but I missed my kids and I had changed! I was no longer a little door mouse. I had repaired my self image, become financially independent and would call it as I saw it! When Dad was drunk the kids would now know it. Those 3 years that he had them during the week had already opened their eyes to his drinking.

 We were back together as a family, dysfunctional but I tried harder to make up for any gaps. The year was 1988. He never changed. Promised he would go to AA and instead met his friends at a bar regularly. He hid bottles in the garage and time passed.

In June of 1994, he died of a massive heart attack and life went on. He was 47. I was 45.

That summer of 1985, I Rode The Toy Horses In The Park, Long After The Children Had Left With The Dark! It was the summer; we all lost our innocence.