What It Means To Be A Parent

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

9:11 PM

                                                             What It Means To Be A Parent

                                           

 Seeing my children as parents is heart warming and often laughable. This was one of those laughable times. Is that where that smell is escaping from…it's not the exhibit?

Tiffany and Chris decided Nana should go to Woodland Park Zoo with the grandkids, Avery and Aidan. It was a beautiful day with howling monkeys that scared the boys, giraffes that fascinated Avery and lots of photos of cousins in staged poses. 

For me it was a rare opportunity to be with two of my kids and two of my grandsons, yet neither of the boys will remember it. Aidan is now 10 and Avery almost 9 and as I reflect upon my time with them, my joy is bittersweet. I have tried to do some of the things a Grandpa would do with them, play games, go swimming, camping and clamming. I've wrestled and tussled and tickled. I've gone to plays, participated in Halloween parties, Christmas Eves and mornings. I've given and gotten lots of hugs and I love yous. I've snuggled during movies of Dragons and Super Heroes. I've made memories for me and for them.

Sometimes I feel guilty for having all these beautiful moments and sad that they never got to know their Grandpa Darrel. He died before even seeing any of his kids married, or his youngest son graduated from HS.  I wonder how he might have influenced their lives and if they might have changed his.

Uncle Sandor has filled the gap of both uncle and grandpa, getting involved in all the kid's lives and caring beyond that of an uncle. He has taken me in as well, in my old age. We will never know how our lives might have been different but in each of us there is a presence that is missed.

My Reflections… Most will be delightful memories but there is always the undertone of a presence that is missed.